Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
