Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
