Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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