Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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