I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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