Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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