having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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