Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
