we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
