I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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