His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize