I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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