she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
