i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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