Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
