My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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