and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
