Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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