Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if i died would you start the facebook group?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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