you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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