I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
