He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sober January is a disaster.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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