Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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