Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
