hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
