last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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