I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
