I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
