i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
