What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
