Umm I'm too high to move.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
