last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
