The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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