Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
