Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
