And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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