So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
