Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
