The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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