I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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