Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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