I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
