The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
