i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
