I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
