I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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