he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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