Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
