i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
