one might say we're banned from that church
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
