I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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