I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
