trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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